According to a recent study, 58% of married couples have sex 68 times (just over once a week) per year. It also showed that 18% of married couples only have sex ten times (less than once a month) per year.
Are these numbers shocking?
As parents, we have a lot on our plates.
If we think about our daily lives, we race against the clock to get everything done. We usually start our day in a mad dash to get ready for work. We get the kids up. We get breakfast on the table. Get the lunches and book bag packed. Drop the kids off at school. We head off to work where we are usually racing against the clock to fulfill our deadlines. We come home. We get the kids off to practice, a game, a music lesson, etc. We come home. We eat a late dinner. Get the kids in shower/tub. PJs on. Teeth brushed. We look at the clock…somehow…someway…it’s already 9pm. Where did the day go? What happened to our energy? We are exhausted. We are drained. Not to mention we have to get up and do it all over again the next day. At the end of most days, we find ourselves completely exhausted. At times, there is little left over for our spouses.
The Real Situation:
As parents, the week usually consists of dividing and conquering. It’s extremely difficult to connect with your spouse when you are both on the go. Some days we communicate via text or as we pass each other in the hallway. Carving out time to connect to our spouses can definitely be difficult.
What happens when we don’t connect?
We become irritable. We become aggrevated. We get agitated. We feel disconnected.
Humans are wired to connect, relate, socialize, and yes…have sex. When those needs are not getting fulfilled, it can have a huge impact on our relationships and our overall health.
What is a parent to do?
1. Make time to communicate
Communication and connection is key…especially for our wives. We men can tend to be more visual. We don’t necessarily need the communication. However, if you ask most women/wives, it is absolutely essential.
2. Have a Date Night
A night without kids in tow can truly spark a connection. Every day we can get “knee deep” in the daily routine. We can easily forget what it is like to have a conversation with our spouse or significant other without distraction. Having a night, at least once a month, for just each other is essential. So, book your sitter a month in advance. Make it a point to have at least one night out (just the two of you) each month.
3. Take 15 minutes per day to just catch up.
Every day can be an opportunity to connect. Making it a point to talk at least 15 minutes per day can make a huge impact. Talking while the kids are awake is usually not the best time. However, after the kids go to bed, instead of turning on the TV and sitting next to each other…instead…sit facing each other…don’t turn the TV on…and talk about your day. Simply start talking about what happened during your day. Ask each other open ended questions: “How was your day?” “Tell me more about that.” “Why was Milton moved down to storage room B without his red Swingline Stapler?” You get it…ask questions that your spouse can’t give you a one word answer to. When we ask open ended questions, it adds to the dialogue and gives us more to talk about.
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