3 ways to improve your sex life

3 Ways to Improve Your Sex Life – GDP005

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“3 Ways to Improve Your Sex Life” Episode Overview

In this episode, Larry Hagner and Shawn Stevenson talk about some shocking statistics about sex and marriage. Larry and Shawn share 3 ways to improve your sex life. These strategies include: ensuring husbands connect with their wives on an emotional level first; not rushing physical intimacy; and how a reduction in stress can improve sex.

Key Take-Aways – Statistics

Sex is a big part of marriage, especially for men. Most men show and receive their love in a physical manner. In a recent poll of over 50,000 Americans aged 21-50:

  • 60% of married couples are engaging in sex on a “somewhat regular basis” of weekly sex
  • 20% of married couples have sex about 2 times per week (Seems similar to frequency of new couples)
  • 40% of married couples have sex 1 time per week or 1 time every other week (Seems “semi-normal,” according to Shawn)
  • 15% of married couples have sex 1 time per month
  • 10% of married couples have sex 3-4 times per year
  • 15% of married couples have sex 0-1 time per year


Problem #1: Not Connecting with Your Partner on an Emotional Level Before a Physical Level

Before having sex, men must communicate with their partner on an emotional level. Check out a related podcast episode, “5 Ideas on How to Connect with Your Spouse”, where Larry and Shawn talk more about communicating and connecting with your partner.

Solution: Connect with your partner on an emotional level first!

Foreplay for a woman starts with her emotions, connectivity, and feelings of being understood and heard. Here are some tips:

1) Ask open-ended questions and not closed questions.

2) Ask questions that ascertain feelings and not just words.

3) Ask what, when, how, and why questions.

4) Don’t ask questions your partner can simply answer with “yes” or “no.” Examples:

  • “Tell me about the best part of your day.”
  • “Why?”
  • “Tell me more about that.”
  • “How did that make you feel?”

5) Observe your partner’s body language. Remember: 93% of all communication is through body language, gestures, and vocal tone. Look for the emotions/feelings she/he is sharing and not just words.

6) For more insight, check out “The 6 Human Needs” by Tony Robbins. These tie into our deepest fear in a relationship: Fear of not being enough, especially for the other person.

Problem #2: Rushing into Physical Intimacy

Most women are like ovens – they need to be preheated. Most men are like microwaves – they simply turn on.

Solution: Connect with your partner on an emotional level first!

Yes, this point so important that it’s being emphasized again. Here are some tips:

1) Engage in physical intimacy (i.e., hug and kiss) without an agenda during the day or week. Freely make these affectionate deposits into the love bank – instead of only hugging and kissing your partner as a precursor to sex that you plan to have in the next minute or so.

2) Remember: Foreplay begins in morning and throughout the day, especially if you plan on having sex that same evening. It can be a hug and kiss or doing something kind and helpful (i.e., helping around the house and with kids).

3) Physical affection can be best if you start with all other areas of her/his body besides the obvious body parts. Examples:

  • Cuddling
  • Massage shoulders, feet, back, etc.


Problem #3: Too Much Stress and Too Little Energy

Let’s face it: A big reason that people don’t have sex is that they don’t “feel” like it. This holds true for men, but especially for women.

Solution: Work, along with your partner, to set up things so that there’s less stress and less overexertion of herself/himself each day.

Stress will naturally wear down a person’s battery. Here are some tips:

1) Help with planning with the kids. Example: Pick-ups/Drop-offs for school and activities.

2) Scheduling and execution of household duties. Examples:

  • Larry’s wife handles the lion’s share of household duties, as Larry handles the lion’s share of work outside the house — but Larry has his duties at home, too, and he gets them done (period).
  • Kids have their assignments, enforced by Larry.
  • Larry understands the things that really depress his wife’s mood the most, and he helps in those areas.

3) Find creative ways that you can take things off of your collective plates. It’s just going to free up more energy for each other.  😉

4) Encourage and help your partner exercise on a consistent basis. You can spend some quality time to workout or train together. Exercise has physical benefits, such as increased energy and overall health. Exercise also has emotional benefits, such as feeling better about your body and health in addition to increased confidence.

Free Resources:

Check out a free chapter from: THE DAD’S EDGE on UNLIMITED PATIENCE HERE

Check out this free resource on: CONNECTION WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Check out this free resource on:  CONNECTION WITH YOUR KIDS


Links Mentioned In This Episode

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