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Finding Your Identity Through Defining Moments with Ilan Muallem

Ilan Muallem

Ilan Muallem is an actor, director, martial artist, and entrepreneur. Some of his most well-known roles are Wesley from “The Walking Dead” and Noah from “The Big Short.” Muallem is also a free speech advocate and political activist who actively supports the military and police. Muallem is currently in a 13-year relationship and is a mentor to his girlfriend’s three children. 

During Muallem’s childhood, he recalls his father being hard but empathetic towards his horrendous behavior. When Ilan was diagnosed with an auto-immune disease, he notes how his father was right by his side, caring for him. Ilan recalls how it’s defining moments like those that lead to your identity.

As a father, you realize that 90% of the battle is just being there for your kids. Muallem’s father was there for him during the difficult years and it made Ilan realize that although his father wasn’t perfect, he always showed up. According to Muallem, the definition of success means always showing up and being consistent, no matter what. Even if you’re not a perfect parent, you can still be successful and leave a legacy for your children by just being there for them.



What You’ll Learn: 

Ilan’s Relationship with His Father


Throughout his younger years, Ilan’s father supported him through difficult times. Ilan recalls being a very difficult child and the patience his father used when dealing with him.

Support Through Ilan’s Youth


There was tension in Ilan’s home among him and his brother. Although Ilan’s father wasn’t perfect, he was always there for him. 

Support Through Teenage Years


Ilan recalls testing the boundaries of what he could get away with as a teenager. He used drugs and fights as an outlet for his built-up energy. No matter how horrible he was to his father, he could always go to his father to talk to him.

Right of passage


There comes a point in your life when the consequences escalate and you have to be held accountable for your actions. The right of passage leads a boy to manhood.


Boys need a right of passage in which they are put in a situation where they are held accountable for their actions. Being a man when Ilan was younger meant being rough and doing drugs because there was no system in place to teach him or empower him


Success means being consistent. Encouragement is the most important virtue for a young man. There are many identifying moments in your life that will lead to your true identity.


Ilan taking care of his father was a defining moment in life and made him feel empowered. He became a more empathic person.

Health scare


Everything is fleeting and temporary. Every moment is a choice. Every person has a breaking point when the pain is continuous. No matter how bad things are today, doesn’t mean they’re going to be that bad tomorrow.

Worry Is Like a Down-Payment


Don’t get caught up in expectations


The people who are most empowered are people who can interface with reality the clearest. Their internal reality and actual reality itself are in line with each other.


When you worry about something, you pay for it twice. Worry is a down-payment on things that haven’t happened yet.

Current Relationships


Ilan always wanted to be around people and influence them. Young men need someone they can confide in and trust. 

What comes next?


Ilan tells us he’s excited about building his voice and putting out valuable content into the world. Our society needs to start humanizing masculinity and lift each other up, instead of tearing men down.


Emotional Intelligence Skills for Men with Dr. Nick Sotelo

How to Thrive in the Face of Uncertainty

Why Should I Forgive? with Derek Stone

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Ilan Muallem Links




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