Porn – Why We Watch It, When It’s a Problem, and How to Stop with Nell Daly
Pornography – It’s pervasive in our culture today. 70% of men between the ages of 30 to 60 look at online pornography weekly. Still, no one wants to talk about it. Today I have psychotherapist and relationships expert, Nell Daly, on the show with me to answer what most guys are dying to know – how much porn is too much? And how do we stop when it becomes a problem? Don’t miss this honest (and explicit) discussion on the truth about porn addiction.
Porn is Not Always a Problem
Pornography isn’t always a bad thing. It can be healthy for couples who want to expand their sexual lives or for single people who want to explore their own fantasies. But pornography can be a problem when it begins interfering with other aspects of life, like work and relationships.
Why Porn is Addictive
A pornography habit usually starts innocently, but Nell Daly says watching porn but what used to satisfy in fifteen minutes takes an hour. Watching pornography teaches the body and mind new sexual triggers. Eventually, it takes more to activate those triggers. More time is spent watching pornography and more graphic and varied fantasy scenarios are needed to achieve the same effect. We build a tolerance to pornography like any other addiction.
Porn is a distraction from worries or problems. It’s a way to self-soothe and relieve stress and tension. Porn addiction can be used to
- Self-medicate
- Disassociate (from people, problems, feelings)
- To make up for a lack of emotional intimacy in a marriage or relationship
- To make up for a lack of physical sex
How to Face Porn Addiction
Nell Daly says that sexual awareness is a huge part of who we are, and the brain is the most important sex organ in the body. Sex is the bond that keeps relationships together. Relationships keep us happy. The happier we are, the better parents, husbands, and workers we are. If porn is interfering with daily functions in your life, or if you have anxiety over how much porn you are watching, chances are you have a problem. Here are three ways to address a pornography habit and to start making changes.
- Record your habits – keeping a record helps us to see just how much time is spent on porn and how it affects other areas of your life. What are you missing out on because of it? Family time, intellectual pursuits, other healthy habits? Observe yourself in a non-judgmental way
- Share the shame – we connect through vulnerability. Sharing is the first step to healing. Join a support group in your community. If you’re not comfortable with that, join an online group.
- Replace the habit – Start replacing the time spent watching porn with another positive activity. Exercise helps to relieve physical tension and stress. Meditation has amazing self-soothing benefits.
Pornography, like any bad habit, is going to be a difficult change. No one will get better overnight, but Nell Daly says it can be a great spiritual teacher. Anything that’s hard to address, any issue that brings us to our knees, helps us evolve.
Did you catch Nell Daly’s last episode? The Unexpected Secrets of Men, Women, and Sex with Nell Gibbon Daly
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