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Overcoming the Boy Crisis with Warren Farrell

We all wanna raise strong, confident men who grow up to be an asset to society. We are currently facing a generation of fathers who are more impacted by a fatherless environment, me included, than ever before. Whether you grew up with a positive father figure, a toxic one or an absent one, my guest today is one of the top thought leaders in the world on how we can be better equipped to raise strong, young, confident young men who will positively impact the world for good.

A best-selling author and acclaimed speaker, Dr. Warren Farrell is a political scientist, professor and activist on key issues within masculinism and the men’s rights movement.

He was chosen by the Financial Times of London as one of the world’s 100 most important thought leaders, his books have been published in more than 50 countries and translated into 19 languages. 

The Boy Crisis, (co-authored with John Gray) is a New York Times bestseller as well as other books such as Why Men Are the Way They Are, and the international bestseller The Myth of Male Power. 

Warren Farrell is the only man to have been elected three times to the Board of Directors of the National Organization for Women of New York. In addition Dr. Farrell teaches couples communication courses across the country, and lectures internationally on the global boy crisis, its causes and solutions.

What You’ll Learn

10:15 On His Carreer

Dr. Warren Farrell talks about how he began his career supporting the woman’s movement when many of his colleagues, at the time, did not see it as having a future.

Dr. Warren Farrell talks about how one of his earliest tenets was the independence of women in society, not to be reduced to the role of a mother, and that her options were ran out once they became mothers. He believes that women should have the right to choose their personality and their opportunities.

After 10 years of speaking around the world about the women’s movement, he focused on analyzing studies involving children of divorced parents, and the studies showed that these children who did not have enough time with their fathers tended to have more problems.

He makes a distinction about a woman’s freedom vs. responsibilities, for Dr. Farrell, when a woman decides to have children, those freedoms are linked to responsibilities and the responsibility to your children comes first.

By changing the tone of his findings and what he sought to promote, he lost many job opportunities.

21:19 How dropping out of college affects a man

Dr. Warren Farrell talks about men having greater problems than women as a result of an absent or toxic father figure growing up. He mentions that men, once they attend college, are more likely to drop out and not finish. This causes that in a relationship with a woman, they are not taken into account as a viable option to be a father, since women want someone who has a solid future. When exercising motherhood, a woman wants to have 3 options: to dedicate herself completely to work, to dedicate herself completely to her children or a combination of both, when a man is only left with the option of working full time. Women are not interested in a long-term relationship with a college dropout.

26:58 The Boundary Enforcement

Dr. Warren Farrell discusses the different parenting styles between a father and a mother. Moms are good at identifying their children’s talents, which creates a dream or goal for them to achieve, while dads are more likely to motivate and discipline them to meet those goals. A dad tends not to be flexible; a mom perceives this as cruel and softens things up. Dads put more limits on their sons because they think they can be a little tougher while if they see their daughter cry, they avoid it.

32:14 Consequences

Dr. Warren Farrell gives an example of paternal parenting. If a father starts wrestling with his children, the first reaction of the mother will be to intervene so that no one gets hurt, while the father will set a limit and a warning: if someone gets hurt, he will say that they can’t play this rough, if someone gets hurt a second time, he will stop the game. Dad will propose to play wrestling again (which mom will not understand) but the difference in how he relates to his children and what he teaches them. This second time, before starting the game he will set the rules and tell them that if someone plays too rough, the game will be suspended, as there has already been a previous behavior like this, the children know that dad will stop the game if they are too rough. He has already set a limit and they know that if they cross it, the game is over. If mom had set a limit, it would only be a “don’t play aggressively” threat, but the children would not see a real consequence. With their dad, the gratification is over.

Warren Farrell’s Links

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