How to Master Anger Management
Optimal anger management as fathers must have been a much needed episode, because this past week Shawn and I launched Episode 58 – Five Ways to Control our Tempers as Dads. The reason I say it must have been much needed is because it was one of our fastest downloaded shows to date. We had more downloads by 10am then we usually get for the entire day on Mondays.
Throughout the week, I have seen a ton of feedback on the show and have heard the tips that really hit home the most to you guys.
Anger Management Tip #1: Forget Perfection
First and foremost, we need to forget about being the perfect father, because in all honesty, it doesn’t exist. Being a dad is extremely rewarding, but it is also a tough business. As men, we take a lot of pride in providing for our families and sharpening our craft in the workforce. We are wired to hunt and problem solve. Being a father is a dynamic that constantly sharpened and we can be humbled at every turn. Keep in mind, perfection is a myth. If you want true happiness, focus on progress and not perfection.
Anger Management Tip #2: Know your Triggers
Being proactive in our mindset will set us up for ultimate success. Most of us men have the lowest amount of patience when we first wake up in the morning, come home from work, and right before bed. Why is that? In the morning, we are just trying to clear the cobwebs before taking on the day. Not taking time to wake up 15-30 minutes early (before the kids) is like going for a 3 mile sprint without a warmup. When we come home from work, we are usually exhausted, overloaded, and “hangry” (hungry and angry). Late at night we are usually pretty spent, exhausted, the kids can be fighting us in every way possible to go to bed.
Solution for the morning
Get up early, shower, pray (if you are spiritual), meditate (if that is your thing), listen to a podcast (if you are more of an audio person), etc…you get it. Do something for yourself to warm your mind and patience up.
Solution for the ride home from work
Grab a snack to get that blood sugar up and listen to something empowering (podcast, audiobook, your favorite workout music, etc). The point is get the blood sugar in check and your mind in the right place.
Solution for late at night
Keep in mind that your evenings are meant to make the best memories, so don’t blow it. Set the evening up for success by doing something (other than watching TV) as a family. Also, spend time with each kid before bed (pray together, talk about the day, ask questions that bring our gratitude, etc.) This will honestly propel your evening and experience into a new orbit.
Anger Management Tip #3: Calm through the Breath
Even the greatest dads have bad moments. We all have been moment no matter how hard we try. We all have the knee jerk reaction when we blow up and explode. After we react like that there is a ton of guilt, shame, and defeat that follows. Want to know the secret to staying calm, cool, and collected? Here it is: you have to create some “mental space” between your knee jerk reaction and your response. Meaning, think before you act. We can all achieve this by doing the most natural thing that we do unconsciously…breathe. We can use the breath to calm ourselves. Three deep breaths is all you need in the heat of the moment to calm yourself just enough to respond versus react. Go check out our interview with Mark Divine on How to Create an Unbeatable Mind – Episode 28, for more information on breath control.
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Thanks for checking out this week’s podcast on Optimal Anger Management for Dads.