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Taking the Survival Mode Out of Parenting with Nellie Harden

Today, my amazing guest and teenage expert talks about how a family can come together as a team where the te where the parents are, the captains and the teenagers are the part of the team and the players, how to overcome power struggles with teens, and how to crumble the wall that stands between you and the connection with your teenager.

Nellie Harden is the mother of four truly amazing daughters, all in high school and middle school. She loves adventure, laughing, random dancing, singing, learning and teaching.

Avid reader, lover of personal and leadership development and always striving to be a better version of herself.

She started The 6570 Family Project because she saw the great potential of this time, the second half of childhood, that we have with our kids. This is the training ground for their adulthood and not something to be left to chance and hope, but something you can forge relationship, guidance, trust and connection through and you do this together.

What You’ll Learn

06:26 –  On her 6570 project

07:49 – How through her parenting project you can see a difference in the relationship of parents with their children.

09:05 –  About her background that led her to 10 years of experience working with families

11:17 – How her husband’s medical condition changed their lives

Nellie Harden talks about how her husband’s medical condition helped transform their lives. She mentions that one day when her husband was in the intensive care unit, she looked at her daughters, all under the age of 4, and knew she didn’t want that to be their reality, as this condition is congenital and hereditary. Since Nellie Harden lost her father at a very young age, seeing what was happening with her husband, she knew they needed to make changes in their habits, it was sheer determination.

What Nellie Harden values most is that this whole process was lived as a family with a lot of communication, where they could listen to each other’s fears and frustrations and understand that they could not always be at their best, but that it was okay to say: I’m sorry, I was very stressed, I didn’t mean to and we will stay together.

So through determination, discipline and resilience, Nellie Harden and her husband taught their daughters how they want to live life.

16:33 – Parent led vs self-disciplined leadership of the young adults

Nellie Harden says that most of the people who come to her for help are parents of teenagers. Nellie Harden doesn’t like that word because it comes with an acceptance of a certain irresponsibility, negativity, and passivity; she prefers to call them young adults, because that’s what they are.

In addition, Nellie Harden says that she does not believe in “normal” because it always changes depending on the sociocultural context and it is not a fan of what is “normal” today.

To help parents, Nellie Harden always asks what one can do better in order to guide and love them so that they know how to behave and love themselves before they leave home. For her, that’s the key.

Young adults must know how to take responsibility for their actions, how to deal with situations and that is taught through self-discipline leadership of themselves to succeed in life.

24:31 – Putting down the power struggles and being calm when talking to your kids

26:06 – On open communication

29:52 – About talking to our children with the truth

Nellie Harden says that we should speak to our children truthfully about how we feel because they can give us a different view of a situation and above all, because they also have wisdom to share with us. If we can take our experiences and how we feel and be more open and vulnerable we give our children the opportunity to help us, it gives them the opportunity to feel valued and worthy (which is one of the 5 needs of every human being).

31:52 – 5 major needs that every person has

34:45 – On social media boundaries

37:06 – On young women feeling overwhelmed by social media

43:31- Family approach to social media boundaries

Nellie Harden says we must help our children forge their identity right when they are in the young adult stage. Being able to set limits on the use of technology should be discussed and enforced as a family, it is always for everyone because we must remember that the family is like a team. For example, if you set a rule of cell phone use from 4 p.m. to 8 p.m. and the children want to use it at 9 p.m., you should not close your mind and say no, but listen to their arguments and see if it is something reasonable and can be applied. We must not forget that our children like to feel heard and seen.

47:00 – On posting or scrolling through social media

50:32 – On parenting differently

51:19 – Taking the survival mode out of parenting

Nellie Harden explains that in order to take out the survival mode of parenting is that one must know one’s children to be certain that what one is doing is the right thing to do. In their teenage years, young people are constantly changing, physically, socially and mentally, so you have to be able to keep up with them and keep getting to know them. It’s keeping open and constant communication about your children’s lives so you know everything there is to know so you’re not in survival mode.

Nellie Harden’s Links

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