Marriages have taken a beating during the pandemic. We are under a constant generalized stress that keeps our nerves on edge and lowers our emotional capacity. But we can use this time to build a ridiculously fulfilling marriage, and our guest today teaches us how.
Nate Bagley is a marriage researcher, educator, husband, and a new dad. He is the founder of the Growth Marriage Community and podcast and his mission is to rid the world of mediocre love.
Nate has an incredible story. Before he got married, he quit his job and toured the country to gather information that 99% of us do not get. What do madly in love couples do that everyone else is missing out on?
Let’s find out!
What You’ll Learn
- Nate sold everything he had, rose 30K on Kickstarter, and went cross-country to interview 100 couples.
- Your marriage is the sum of all the couples you’re surrounded with.
- Just because people are married doesn’t mean they have a good marriage.
- Most fulfilled couples don’t pursue happiness. The goal is not to be happy. Pursue growth and happiness will be the result.
- You cannot depend on your partner to validate your existence.
- Going through struggles together increases joy and connection.
- It’s your job to make you happy, not your partner’s.
- Our body chemicals trick us into expecting happiness from our partner because that’s what we experience when we first fall in love.
- We go from yearning to earning affection.
- There are different stages of love that we must accept.
- The idea that couples are supposed to become one is mistaken. That is codependency or enmeshment.
- You are two separate individuals with different desires who support each other.
- How to tell if you are integrated with your partner in an unhealthy way
- The paradox of marriage—you have to meet opposing needs at the same time.
- Sometimes you need swing from closeness to independence, or from novelty to predictability, and back again.
- If you’re not having great sex, your marriage is probably not great.
- There is an emotional and spiritual aspect of sex beyond physical satisfaction.
- When marriage becomes like work, it’s important to make sex a priority.
- Find a balance between safety and pleasure in the bedroom.
- Most people have stale sex lives because it consists of whatever they’re comfortable with without rocking the boat.
- Sex becomes a routine that feels boring because it feels safe. Expand your comfort zone to improve your sex life.
- Manage your anxiety. Self-soothe. Learn to recognize what is legitimate fear. Then you can tolerate uncomfortable conversations and be curious instead of anxious about new experiences in the bedroom.
- Part of having a great sex life is to handle rejection with grace.
Our biggest regrets in life happen
when we’ve lost our patience.
Stop Reacting and Start Living
Do the work. Make a plan. Follow along with simple, yet powerful exercises and tap into the patience that is within you.
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Nate Bagley’s Links
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